Recently, I had a near mental breakdown. There I was sweating, grunting, panting, moving to my near-maximum physical capacity. I was proud of myself and as I reflected on the last 6 months, I realized how much my body, my lifestyle choices, and my daily habits have changed.
I stopped drinking. I started eating really different. I started moving my body harder than I had in over 20 years.
So I was proud of myself. It was a huge accomplishment and in my pride, I asked a friend for advice...
This friend has no filter...
I heard some advice I didn't want to hear and I got defensive, upset, frustrated, and nearly tail spun into a breakdown.
After cooling down, I realized that I was WAY TOO SENSITIVE when it came to my body.
It was and is the one area of my life where I have experienced the most suffering and that's when I realized I was using the story of my suffering to limit the choices of the future.
After all, this friend was providing a scope of possibilities I had never considered and I didn't want to hear it. It didn't match my judgments I had of my body and so I decided they were wrong.
They didn't know the pain I had endured. The depression, the self-loathing, the hiding, the hating, the bingeing, the addiction, the financial investment, the loss, the anxiety...etc. etc.
(Notice that I was defending a past that was drenched in misery)
Ever do that?
In defending my misery, I failed to see the window of possibilities that were available to me.
I was fascinated at how much time I spent defending the past, the limitations, the suffering, instead of letting in the possibilities, playing with the future, stepping into the unknown, and dreaming of that which hasn't yet happened.
When you stop focusing on what isn't working, then it leaves space for what you'd actually like to create.
What if you're not just sensitive, what if you are aware?
And what if that awareness could lead to a discovery of something you've never chosen before?
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